I’ve always had this vision of what our homeschool could be: a thorough covering of the basics with time leftover for studying all the beautiful subjects, in a clean and organized house, eating healthy meals, all while completing our studies by early afternoon with time to be outside, see friends and relax. I’ve also aspired to have a consistent weekly rhythm of activities, with margin for rest. Reality has been more along the often quoted line “homeschool, clean house, or sanity…..pick two”.
2020 was a doozy for many. For us it held a surprise gift of pregnancy and new baby, and the work pressures of owning a grocery store in the era of Corona. Mother’s Day, Azalea’s birthday, and Thanksgiving were the three days Aaron took off between April 1st and December 1st. He often worked more than 100 hours a week; normally we are accustomed to that pace for two to three months of the summer, not eight months. I did the garden without my normal full time helper, at a pretty high level of productivity last summer, while in my third trimester. The big kids worked in the store: Briggs on the register and Phoebe baking pies, and both helped me a great deal with housework and watching River through the summer and fall. When November rolled around, we realized our family needed some down time…..badly. But I also felt like we needed some focus in our homeschool. Florida is our winter restoration time, and despite Corona we decided to make our annual journey south for four months.
Homeschool moms have lots of hats: mothering, housekeeping, and teaching. After coming off of such a busy and depleating season, I knew I needed help in all of those departments. Aaron has helped a lot with the homeschooling in the past couple years, so I knew I could count on him for that. Last year we hired an occasional babysitter to take the younger kids out to a park while we schooled with the olders, and while I cleaned. But I knew that wasn’t going to be enough this year, with a new baby in tow. Luckily, one bonus of Corona for our family was a busy spring and fall at our store, which more than made up for the fact that the summer wasn’t quite up to the normal level, so we have a little bit more financial wiggle room. When a very tidy former employee contacted us looking for work, we jumped at the opportunity. Having her willing to live with us has kept our Corona bubble smaller than having outside help. Live-in housekeeping and childcare help for the past few months has been EXTRAORDINARY.
I recently read a description of a toddler as “a loud blender with the top off”….that’s our River. He needs to be outdoors and active many hours of the day. He sleeps at most 10 hours in a 24 hr period, usually only 3-4 in his bed and the rest of the night he kicks us in the head. Several mornings a week our helper takes River to one of the many playgrounds in the area. While he is living his best life on the the monkey bars Aaron and I do intensive lessons with the older four. For the first time ever we are consistently and rigorously getting all the subjects in that I’ve wanted to include, Latin and Shakespeare for the olders, Spanish for everyone, lots of reading aloud, more phonics games and activities for the youngers, and enough one on one instruction for each of them that I feel I am giving them what they need academically.
We’ve never had such a long stretch of a regular rhythm (seasonal work isn’t great for this), but each day in our winter schedule has some event, and some downtime. There is margin, but structure, and it has brought a lot of peace and calm (well, as peaceful as a household with six loud kids can be!). Monday-Friday is homeschool. We’ve taken few weekdays off in the past four months. Sundays is church, Mondays and Wednesday afternoons: homeschool gym classes with friends. Most of the winter Aaron and Briggs had YMCA basketball practice Tuesday and Thursday evening with games Saturday mornings, and most often Quinn and Phoebe practiced with them. Thursdays I take the younger four to the farmers market in the early morning while Aaron homeschools with the bigger kids. We return and do a couple hours of lessons with the middle kids and then our helper often takes everyone but Azalea to the park for the afternoon. This gives Aaron and I some downtime (hence the blog post!). When I take the kids to gym class this gives our helper the time to do some deep cleaning and Aaron some time to work. The other days we either play in the pool, go to the beach or do errands. Aaron and I are both able to get consistent exercise too, he goes to a small gym down the road five days a week in the early mornings, I walk or run with the kids in the stroller (except the mornings he is home then I go alone). I’ve always aspired to have such a weekly rhythm, inspired by reading Kim John Payne’s book Simplicity Parenting, but have never felt as successful at it. I’ve always lived in an over-do-it then crash-and-rest cycle. This winter a more balanced schedule has proven its benefits to me, and I’m going to attempt to find this sweet spot even at home when the work demands increase. Corona has trimmed our options of activities, and also made me very intentional about what activities have value beyond the risks. I want to bring this intentention along with me into the days when Corona is over, it has helped me realize my limits, and find the spot where thriving is possible.
Our helper does a split of housework and childcare. I do the cooking, she cleans up my mess. This has allowed me the time to put a little more into food prep, and our meals have been healthier as a result. She holds the baby while I calm a toddler melt down and Aaron takes a work phone call. She folds the laundry while I help Phoebe with math and Aaron plays with River. She changes a diaper while I help Briggs with pre-algebra and Quinn reads aloud to Aaron. She sweeps while I put Azalea down for a nap and Aaron picks up some groceries. While I’ve had full time childcare in the past with au pairs in the years I was working a lot more, I found this blend with housekeeping help a much better fit.
Watching her work, I now realize why I’ve never been able to keep the house as clean as I’d like…..it takes a ton of time! When mananging the house alone I often feel stuck in a hampster wheel and become resentful, but her example is helping me reframe. She has a steady and positive disposition about doing the repetitive tasks of keeping a home with small kids: the endless dishes, chronic crumb covered floors, constant scatter of random objects. She is grateful to have the work, and her gratitude has done wonders for me, for I now know this is the right outlook to have. I took a online course a couple years ago from homeschool mom Mystie Winkler, which helped me understand how important my attitude is when it comes to homemaking, but having this winter respite has allowed me enough space and time to improve my mindset, and to realize that housekeeping for a family of eight isn’t something that can be pushed into the background. With six kids housework doesn’t just fit itself into extra moments, I need to have intentional time for caring for our space. Perhaps my mistake is that there aren’t any extra moments with six kids! With the addition of each kid there is more work and less time to do it in. Even with the older kids contributing signficantly, having a tidy and organized home is a much bigger job than I’ve let myself believe. I’m letting go of the guilt I feel of not being able to do it alone.
I’m spent this break exhaling and reveling in living in a clean and tidy space without being primarily responsible to make it that way. Its vastly improving our homeschooling: clean surfaces to work on, organized supplies, and a general feeling of peace instead of chaos. At first I worried that the kids would become entitled slobs having someone paid to pick up after them, but if anything, its made them more aware of their own messes. Its easy to see where one kid left a disaster when the space is tidy to begin with, whereas before mess after mess would be lost in the chaos. Granted the kids aren’t honing their dish washing skills this winter, but that is ok. They are working hard at academics, and they keep their rooms and bathroom clean. My big kids did a lot during the spring, summer and fall last year to help with running the house for their very pregnant momma, and they also worked in the store. The had three seasons of doing a tremendous amount of grown up work. I don’t want them to resent me when they are older for heaping the responsibilities on too young. They need a break too.
If this winter has taught me anything, its that my homeschool vision is possible. What isn’t possible is for me to do it alone. In one of my favorite homeschooling books, Cindy Rollins’ memoir Mere Motherhood, she talks about one good homeschooling year making up for several lesser years. These past four months have been some of our best, and I feel very peaceful about where my kids are, and what we have provided for them. The job of caring for, cleaning up after, and teaching my gang of six is big, so big in fact, that it takes three very capable adults. I’ve never been great at asking for, or receiving help, but this is another instance where when I’ve recognized the need, the payoffs are so great. I’m also so grateful to have the money to do it, and I know that I’m extremely privilaged. And I’m grateful to have these kids, and nice spaces to raise them in, and people to help me do it. When I am in the position to be homeschooling and housekeeping on my own in the future, I’m going to give myself a lot more grace. I also am going to reframe how I picture our budget for homeschooling. Paying someone do some dishes and wipe off the table might be more valuable than fancy curriculum with every bell and whistle. A library card and part time housekeeping help might be our ticket to great home education. I know this is a season: crazy toddler and baby, plus the extra lesson time of two kids learning to read. There will be a day when the workload will be more managable, but that day isn’t now. Having extra help gives me the mental space and energy to give so much more to teaching and mothering. My to do list isn’t so long that I feel like I’m drowning. I am not three people, and life is a lot better when I acknowledge that I am but one.
Raising Veggies and Humans 